She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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