Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
