Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
