So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
