one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
