Don't you send me to vm
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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