i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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