"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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