So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
