im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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