I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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