she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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