Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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