Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
