Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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