Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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