and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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