A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
