he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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