goodnight i made you a song goodbye
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
