I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
