I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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