Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
