you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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