Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
