someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
