great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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