i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drunk is not a location!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
