shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
