1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
