She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
