I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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