It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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