She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
