I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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