I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
