So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
