why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
