i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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