no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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