your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
