TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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