I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
