dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
