i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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