She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
