so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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