guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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