Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
