This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
